Bomeiotaku!
by Kaori R
Summary: I wonder what happens if I stick the SAO and IY characters together in a present-day gameshow and make them answer questions in pairs? I think Akihiko Kayaba and Naraku would really hit it off...One-Shot


Author's Note:

Hi! This is my first fic on FF net, so I hope you like it!

Sesshoumaru-sama thinks it's pretty cool.

Me: Right, Sesshoumaru?

Sesshoumaru: …...(long pause) iie.

Me: Nani!? How can you say that?

Sesshoumaru: (shivers) Have you READ the thing!?

Me: You know what, forget about him. Onward!

Kikyou: Wait! You didn't do the disclaimer yet!

Me: Oh, yeah. I own nothing but a guitar, a fluffy pillow, my leftover Halloween candy, and some empty boxes of pocky. Joy.

Akihiko Kayaba: Plus, she owns a really lame Shingeki no Kyojin jacket that she wears everywhere and gets weird looks from non-otakus that-

Me: OKAY, that's ENOUGH disclaimer! Enjoy the fic :)

Interviewer: Konichi'wa! Welcome to Japan's favorite game show, _Bomeiotaku_, where we bring out anime characters to interview them in front of a large, screaming, ecstatic, hyperactive crowd of fangirls with the only barrier being a weak force-field around the stage's edges, generously set up by the Committee Of Otaku Protection Services, or COPS. Let's meet today's guests! (_The lights dim, the curtain opens dramatically, and a red carpet rolls out. The stadium's occupants begin to whisper loudly)._

Then, in front of their eyes, a dark figure emerges from the shadows into the bright-shining spotlight, his silhouette visible against the inner wall.

The audience gasps in horror.

It's NARAKU!

With his hair in CURLERS!

Kikyou steps onstage.

"I always knew that nice hair of yours was FAKE!" she exclaims, jumping back.

Naraku smiles slyly. "You think my hair is nice, Kikyou-chan?"

"That's Kikyou-SAMA to you! And your hair is UGLY!"

Kirito, Asuna, and Yui join the annoyed pair.

Yui looks at Naraku. She turns back and tugs on Kirito's shirt.

"Daddy, why does that guy look like he's about to murder us?"

Naraku is apparently pissed off at that comment.

"BECAUSE I AM!" He lunges at Asuna.

But suddenly...IN POPS MIROKU!

"STOP!" he yells. "I simply cannot allow you to injure a beautiful person such as this-"

He is cut off by a certain Hiraikotsu whacking him upside the head.

The intercom crackles to life, and the host's voice starts to talk.

"All right, that's enough ruckus, bring the rest of our guests out now, please."

Naraku glares.  
>The others are dragged out from backstage. The lineup looks like this:<p>

Kagome, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, Naraku, Kagura, Miroku, Sango, and Jakotsu from one side and Kirito, Asuna, Yui, Silica, Suguha, Akihiko Kayaba, and Sachi from the other.

The host presses a button and the huge TV screen lights up with the first question.

"Okay, our first people up here will be: (he flips through some papers) Kagura and Sesshoumaru!"

They relunctantly get up and walk to the podium.

"Great! Is there anything either of you would like to say before we begin?"

They glance at each other.

"Well, I did not ask to be here."

"And I hate perky interviewers."

Sesshoumaru makes a 'note to self.' (_Never be a perky interviewer)._

Said perky interviewer grins. "Kagura!"

"Yo."

"Your question is: what is your least favorite part of being Naraku's slave forever?"

She ponders this for a moment.

"Least favorite? Kyaa, that's a long list! If I had to choose, though, I'd have to say Hakudoshi."

"And what about him?" the host prodded.

"Everything. Period."

"Fine. It's your turn now, Fluffy!"

"Call me that again and I'll rip your head off."

"I can call you whatever I want! I don't even have a head! I'm just a voice! Hah! Now here is your question. Are you secretly in love with Kagura?"

"Iie, mochiron chigaimasu! Why would you think that, you baka!?"  
>"Why don't you just shut up now. Next two!"<p>

Naraku and Akihiko Kayaba take center stage.

"Hello, guys! My question for you is: What are your hopes and dreams? Life goals? Wishes?"

Akihiko answers promptly. "To create a world and meddle in it."

"But you've already done that!'

"Well then, I'll do it again!" he snaps.

"My goodness. How touchy. Anything for you, Mr. Naraku?"

"I'd like to rule the universe and KILL ALL OATMEAL! I HATE OATMEAL!"

"Umm... Wonderful?"

Kagura laughs in the background. "Not so perky now, are we?

"You be quiet. NEXT!"

Yui and Jakotsu run to take their places.

The 'voice' speaks again. "A good decision! Two of my favorite little humans! Your question is: which of you wou-"

"Excuse me?" Yui interjects.  
>"Yes?"<p>

"Are you a boy or a girl?" She addresses Jakotsu.

He does not reply.

"Now, as I was saying! Which of you would win a spicy-food eating contest?"

"Me!" they shout in unison.

"Well, we'll just have to find out, won't we then!"

A plate of dangerously hot peppers appears in front of them.

"First one to pass out loses! Go!"

Jakotsu becomes unconscious after the first bite.

Yui continues to eat happily.

"Wow, is that girl tough! Next up!"

Inuyasha and Kirito proceed to argue about whose sword is better.

No questions are asked.

For the last and final round, Silica, Asuna, Suguha, Sachi, Miroku, and Sango are all called up in a group of 6.

"You will all be answering this question: If you had to date anyone in this room now, who would it be? Not answering is not an option!"

Everyone inwardly groans.

Silica is first.

"Well, I pick..(_She closes her eyes and spins around, pointing her finger. It lands in front of Sesshoumaru). _Him."

Sesshoumaru facepalms.

Asuna chooses Kirito.

Suguha hides under a table.

An uninformed Sachi picks Miroku. He smiles evilly...

Miroku inconspicuously avoids the question. He chooses a random girl in the audience. After all, she is in the room with him.

Sango turns 12 shades darker than red and follows Suguha under the table.

"Well, then I suppose the show's over. Be sure to tune in to the next episode of _Bomeiotaku!"_

So, what did you think?

**Akihiko**: Was that your pathetic attempt to be funny? Ouch.

**Miroku**: I liked it.

**Sango: **Well of course you did! You were practically surrounded by girls!

**Miroku: **Um...gotta go! (_zooms away at the speed of light)_

R&R please! Reviews, flames, and constructive criticism all accepted.

Ja ne! :)

~Nanami-san


End file.
